It is poetry Friday again.  Details can be found here:  http://blog.sassyangelac.com/2012/04/05/poetry-friday-is-a-go.aspx

I found out two days ago that someone who has been out of my life but not out of my heart died by suicide.  I wrote this.

Believers in Darwin's Survival of The Fittest Need Not Apply

I wish I knew

 why some of us do not make it out of the dark places,

those times when the bogie man calls roll—

there are those who do not answer.

[Why did you respond to the voice?]

I wish I knew

why some of us try to outrun our demons,

unaware that slowing down into the moment

as those demons zoom by

makes the haunting less terrifying.

[Why did you flee from love and kindness?]

I wish I knew

why too many trudge through those places so black,

alone and fearful of what they see inside them.

[Did you lose hope... perhaps death was your only hope?]

I wish I knew….

©2012, JAB

Poetry Friday is here again. My friend and mentor Sassy has started a poetry group.  The details can be found here:  blog.sassyangelac.com/2012/04/20/poetry-friday--a-day-at-the-lake.aspx

staircase

i feel disconnected,

apart from,

out of sorts

until i pluck the words out of my head,

watching the letters take shape

as they fall from my fingers onto the paper.

ebb & flow,

ebb & flow,

this process of painting the world

with adjectives and nouns and exclamation or question marks.

the barren periods,

dusty from eraser tracks,

leave me thirsty

so i retreat into myself

and wait for the words

to fill my glass.

i cannot imagine

running out of words—

i think i would rather cease to exist

than have the words disappear,

for it is the words that are the staircase

which allows me to climb out of the empty spaces

and step back into life.

©2012, JAB
 

She made me heady and lusty
cuz' she was so curvy and busty.
I wanted to take a chance
and ask her to dance,
but I feared my joints were too rusty.

©2012, JAB

 not this time

you used to lie on top of me,

moving your hips

&

rubbing me

as if I were your genie in a bottle,

someone who would grant your every desire.

but this time I will not roll out the red carpet

making it

right

where you

left

Me.

©2012, JAB

she was in the middle of the very,

between the every,

under the always,

and above the never mind.

©2012, JAB

Sometimes words fail me,

or maybe it is I who fail the words?

They bounce around in my mind,

begging me, imploring me,

seducing me,

to reach in,

pull them out,

and place them on a wrinkled page

where they are comfortable among even the typos and smeared ink.

But sometimes

I cannot find the words

to poetically say....

©2012, JAB

i could not love you
anymore
or any less,
so i floundered,
caught in the middle,
struggling to pretend
i did not see
the mismatch
between your words & actions.
i tried to
piece this puzzle together,
but some parts
were missing
while the jagged edges of other pieces
 no longer fit
or cut us until we bled.
that i loved you
was no puzzle to me--
it was the one thing of which i was certain.
i passed no judgement
in my realization
that this was no matter
of black/white
good/bad
wrong/right.
it was simply the story of
2
people
who
did not
feel
1
love….
the show always goes on;
the curtains always rise
before they come crashing down...
we took our bows,
embraced,
and let go…
it was,
after all,
one hell of an act.

©2012, JAB

Tomorrow is a new year;

people have been chattering about resolutions and goals for weeks.

I will not set aside one day to determine my future,

nor will I count the minutes left on a dropping ball.

I will live in the present,

for it is my path to what will be.

©2011, JAB

life is not tit-for-tat

and is best experienced

returning venom with pearls

rather than more poison…

there are stingrays and oysters in all of us,

and we choose what we become.

©2011, JAB

I have demons;

I refuse to let them haunt me.

I have dark moments;

I refuse to let them block my vision.

I have fears;

I refuse to let them inhibit me.

I have love;

I refuse to harden my heart.

©2011, JAB